Standard Issue Mommy-Blogging Post

[Disclaimer:  Apparently someone is doing a big blogger-swimsuit-promo right now.  This isn't that, though I do have excellent timing.  This post is actually an effort to make the bride's head explode with excessively effusive exclamation points and caps-lock abuse]

We're in Montana and my sister's Big Nuptials are less than 48 off!  So many stories yet so little time...  Including one in which I completely retract my previous comments about "being comfortable with myself".  Lies!  Let's call this the great Bathing Suit Debacle of 2011.  Since last decade's suit finally unraveled, I had no choice but to face the music mirror - the hotel had an indoor pool and I'd found a polka dot bathing suit for my girl complete with attached pink tutu.  Tutus!  What's a mini vacation without gratuitously cute photos of my girl splashing in a pink tutu?  And the boy?  Family-shamly, he was going swimming! 

I've been insanely busy at work plus doing a gazillion wedding-related errands (Flower girl dress!  Sparkly shoes!  Pink tutu suits!), and of course mom's stuff comes last.  I'd planned to do lunch time shopping but then the kids caught strep (RIGHT before vacation - OF COURSE.  It's like death & taxes - Planned trip?  VIRUS ALERT.  On a bright note, their antibiotics should stave off further pathogens from the petri dish that is mass transportation).  Wednesday afternoon was sucked up with more tornado sirens/basement time, leaving me with less than 12 hours to go and two kids in tow - my best shopping option is now Target.  Because they are close and also have dinner pretzels.  Fine, right?  I need a rural-Montana-hotel-pool suit, not swanky-spa-retreat suit (the latter being necessary for my alternative secret life).  I looked online & they had plenty of standard black one pieces.  Key word there was "online".  On site, they only had string bikinis and tank-inis.  Is that even what they're called?  I DO NOT KNOW.  Not a single one piece to be had.  Two pieces are... painful...  Multiple pregnancies, remember?  C-section?  There is squishiness in the middle that does not need to be seen.  Or squished.  But anything for my kids.  I had no other time then or after arrival and either the kids weren't swimming or I was going to go swimming in my running shorts, trailer style.  And because I'm awesome and love my kids and want them to go swimming, I bought something.  IT HAS A SKIRT.  Welcome to middle age.  I now own the standard-issue-suburban-mom bathing suit. 

The flight itself was more or less fine, other than leaving for the airport at 4am without a single measly hour of sleep and, as it turns out, a poorly packed bag to boot (it's supposed to SNOW here.  Do we have jackets?  Sweaters?  Do you enjoy rhetorical questions as much as I do?)... we arrive... THE POOL IS CLOSED. 

My apologies, I am not certain my thoughts were articulated clearly enough.  Allow me to repeat:

THE MUTHER-EFF@#$%^&* POOL IS MUTHER-EFF#$%^&* CLOSED.  

At least now I'll fit in with all the other moms at the neighborhood pool this summer with my new skirt suit. 

There are lots of pictures to post but I must run off.  We have an exciting morning planned at the local grocery store.  Running down the canned good aisle will be just like running thru the park - remember it's cold here?  No jackets?  I'm seriously going to earn my mommy stripes today.