*I'm no where even close to 33.
Let's hope for no more plot twists.
But we need a little bit more life around here, yes? Daily life, elevated & constructed into something blog worthy?
Shall I blame the job? Maybe. Given the choice between staring slack jawed at the second hand as it sweeps around from 4:59, and the current all consuming "Hell, how did it get to be 4 already?", I definitely have the better deal, and it's not always this busy, but I am d.o.n.e. when I get home.
But we need a little bit more life around here, yes? Daily life, elevated & constructed into something blog worthy?
Shall I blame the job? Maybe. Given the choice between staring slack jawed at the second hand as it sweeps around from 4:59, and the current all consuming "Hell, how did it get to be 4 already?", I definitely have the better deal, and it's not always this busy, but I am d.o.n.e. when I get home.
But it hasn't been all work. The boy & I have been reading Harry Potter together at night - two weeks ago we reached the end of Book Four, I turned off his light, then I abandoned all restraint and spent the next 4 days reading ahead to the end. Not to worry, the kids were perfectly happy eating cereal & PB&Js, and I'm sure they they picked up some valuable life skills in my (emotional) absence - don't keep PB in the fridge! Also, if I know you IRL, I apologize for the recent heavy HP references. And last? The book made me a wee bit sad for all the moms, me included, who couldn't keep their babies safe with the magic of love alone. Leave it to me to get weepy over a kids book.
What else?
On Friday I hit another work-i-versary and was gifted with a bunch more vacation time which I immediately started burning by flying to Los Angeles to see Gigi. She's not doing well and she is quite explicit about wanting to leave us. I find it hard to reconcile these two ends of the disability spectrum - my daughter, just starting out, and Gigi, who was ragingly independent for over 90 years and is suddenly, profoundly not. Her heart is strong and her pain is, we hope, well controlled - I believe her wish for an end is a direct function of her lost independence.
There's obviously no easily framed picture of disability. Everyone draws their own lines of what is and isn't acceptable, of what is and isn't compatible with life. Decent people don't try to inflict their lines on others and I suspect most find the line to be a mirage anyway - if they get up close it dances off again. You adjust, adapt, and find joy where you can. I don't know where I'm going with this... It strikes me as naive to wish a 94 year old woman rally but her new world isn't dramatically different from those of several children with significant needs I follow here on the world wide web and, well, it's difficult. I want to respect the feisty woman she is, I think she's earned the right to go out as she sees fit, but there are great grandchildren to admire, the smell of toast in the morning, and the sound of the wind in the eucalyptus trees in her backyard.
What else?
On Friday I hit another work-i-versary and was gifted with a bunch more vacation time which I immediately started burning by flying to Los Angeles to see Gigi. She's not doing well and she is quite explicit about wanting to leave us. I find it hard to reconcile these two ends of the disability spectrum - my daughter, just starting out, and Gigi, who was ragingly independent for over 90 years and is suddenly, profoundly not. Her heart is strong and her pain is, we hope, well controlled - I believe her wish for an end is a direct function of her lost independence.
There's obviously no easily framed picture of disability. Everyone draws their own lines of what is and isn't acceptable, of what is and isn't compatible with life. Decent people don't try to inflict their lines on others and I suspect most find the line to be a mirage anyway - if they get up close it dances off again. You adjust, adapt, and find joy where you can. I don't know where I'm going with this... It strikes me as naive to wish a 94 year old woman rally but her new world isn't dramatically different from those of several children with significant needs I follow here on the world wide web and, well, it's difficult. I want to respect the feisty woman she is, I think she's earned the right to go out as she sees fit, but there are great grandchildren to admire, the smell of toast in the morning, and the sound of the wind in the eucalyptus trees in her backyard.
I'm always so happy when you post, and this one made me very happier, despite the sadness of your ailing grandmother. I found it comforting to read such a thoughtful "take" on what others rail about on disability blogs that I read, and it was a beautiful way to put it: "Everyone draws their own lines of what is and isn't acceptable, of what is and isn't compatible with life."
ReplyDeleteWell my friend, obviously my life just got more out of control, and thus, no date for us. Next time. A must.
ReplyDeleteAs for Gigi. I know how deeply you love her. And she you. No easy answers for these affairs of the heart.
She is lucky to have you and you her. But you know that already.
Been wondering where you have been. I say blame work and you are forever 33yo. . . I am so sorry about Gigi. It is always hard to say goodbye even if she says she is ready to go.
ReplyDeleteit's too hard to think about, the ways lives play out. I hope Gigi gets whatever is the very best possible thing. The independence thing must be so, so hard.
ReplyDeleteI still have not read all of Harry P. Maybe this summer. William and I are almost done with the Little House series, which I think he's enjoyed a lot.