Panicky Blog. Not fun. Fair warning.

I used to think of my job as the lottery job.  You know - the one you'd keep doing even after?  But then came the kids and while most of the time I still love it, I do end up whining about splitting up my precious minutes.  At my free random-vendor lunch last week someone was worried about their dad, who'd retired, and what was he going to do all day?  I don't think I'd have any problem filling my day.  Mostly the usual stuff - gym, books, little volunteerism, definitely more TV (I jest!).  I also have a love/hate relationship with craftiness, but it's mostly born of jealousy.  Would love to know how to hem a skirt (or, heck, sew on a button), or do frou-frou things in my girl's bedroom. 

Or cook.  Love to do the big meals - Thanksgiving, et al - and the ever more rare social dinner but cooking for young kids is...painful.  My boy actually requests cereal & eggs. Not yummy stovetop scrambled eggs with cheese and tomatoes and butter...eggs in the microwave, cooked till rubbery.  [Yes, I'm sure this is a comment on my cooking. Thanks for making that leap.]  I'm a firm believer in the wholesome family dinner, veggies 'n all... but darn it if cereal isn't a lot faster.  And look!  The kids are occupied - I'll just take a peek over at this one site.  This, and the amount of TV they watch, count among the many hypocrisies in my life.  Also, SOMEONE, who shall remain nameless, seems to have developed some inconvenient taste buds lately.  I did, actually, make her carrots last night.  She screwed up her face and pushed the plate away.  I offered her the rejected orange I'd lovingly cut up at lunch - she tried to cover it back up with the plastic wrap.  That cracked me up.  Not only did she not want the orange, she was going to re-wrap it for me.  Stinker.

But mostly, I fret about her language skills.  We need to be doing SO MUCH MORE.  I should have taken a signing class and be narrating her day away.  We need to be going thru her flashcards daily and working on her letter sounds.  We should be doing more OT stuff, so that she has the fine motor skills to actually sign back.  I had brief passing moments like this when she was on the verge of crawling, and then walking, but I was never concerned she wouldn't get there.  --This-- is constricting my breathing.

I don't think this is one of those things that will come naturally, even if a bit delayed. We don't even have "mom" yet.  This is all on us and I feel like we're failing her.  She's going to be 3 in five months.  Even if we end up mostly signing, we need to be working on her vocabulary constantly.  And nevermind communicating with her extended family.... 
GAH.

So?  We do more.  (much MUCH more).  Just do it.
And that is my sloganized pep talk of the day to myself.