Montana!

During the blogging desert that was August, we went to a family reunion up in Montana.  I'm not sure what we did the rest of the month but I'm pretty sure I can get at least 2 more posts out of this one weekend, so that sort of counts, right?  Maybe even 3 if my sister sends me the photos I took on her camera (hint! hint!).

Montana is a breathtakingly beautiful state, complete with real life bears in the woods AND dinosaurs in the airport.  What more could a kid ask for?

Oh, actually seeing a bear?  Sorry, buddy!  Will a T-Rex do? 

We DID see family.  Lots & lots of family.  Lots of family I've never met before and whose names I had a hard time remembering.  Have I mentioned that I'm not the most social of creatures?

But we also got to see Family, and that was priceless.

Of course, no Xxxx family get together is complete without a little drama.

Don't we all look HAPPY?  

No parental units were pushed.  Promise. 

But even despite the pits, there can be cherry pie.

Like quiet afternoons by the river

And newfound long lost 5th cousins.

And forts. 

And brothers and sisters.

And wild flowers. 

What's all this have to do with Down syndrome, you ask?  Didn't I announce 31 for 21 only yesterday? 

Nothing.  And every

thing.  Joy in unexpected

places, in family. 

NDSC x2, Saturday

After the bloggers' session on Friday, we visited with friends for a bit but everyone was toast so we called it early.  Early for the adults, at least.  You know what happens when you push a toddler past the point of exhaustion?  They get a taste of adrenaline and decide sleep is for schmucks.  Mix well with one non-child proofed hotel room and the boys' late night arrival from Chicago and you get me sleeping in till 8:15, a mere 15 minutes before the first of the sessions for which we'd flown halfway across the country.  Whoops!

But I was super mom (super disheveled, that is) and ended up only 5ish minutes late for Brian Skotko & Susan Levine's talk - "What Your Other Children without DS are Thinking".   IT WAS FABULOUS.  They have been talking to siblings, running surveys and presentations for years, and had lots of reassuring statistics:  94-96% of kids reported they felt affection & pride whereas less than 5% of respondents wanted to trade in their brother or sister with Ds.  They rightly pointed out, to much laughter, that most kids want to swap out their siblings occasionally, typical or not, and 5% might be even be lower than the average.

A lot of their talk was just good parental advice - keep the lines of communication open, ask clarifying questions, spend one on one time with each kid, be fair, acknowledge feelings - even the negative ones, & be willing to talk about the hard stuff.  And, boy, did they talk about the hard stuff.  They threw out some gut wrenchers, asked by actual children:
"Why does her face look odd?"
"Will she be ugly?"
"Is she going to die?"

Gah.

When my girl was younger I heard a few times how great my son was going to turn out because of his sister.  I hate this.  We weren't getting a dog so The Boy could feed it every night and learn about responsibility.  His sister is an individual, not an object lesson, and she has every right to live her life free of pedestals & angel wings.  That said, he IS a neat kid.  I'd like to think that's a result of the fabulous parenting job we're doing but who knows?

Earlier this summer a bunch of neighborhood kids were over.  They'd been playing nicely for hours but late in the afternoon I walked back into the living room to see my never violent son pushing the other kid and yelling, "Don't you call my sister that!"

The kid had said something mean and my son had stepped up to the plate at the ripe ol' age of 7.  I sent everyone home (they were already at the "ten more minutes" mark), had myself a good cry, and then we sat down and had A Talk.  I told him it was going to take his sister longer to learn things, that she might look a little bit different, and that some people wouldn't know how to act around her.  As they got to know her, they'd learn she was just like most kids but no one is ever allowed to be mean to her, especially not in our own house.

Then I told him he was a really awesome big brother and I made chocolate chip pancakes for dinner, by request.

[And, HELL NO, I didn't mention the pushing]

But my son isn't angelic either.  Not too long after, during my birthday weekend at the Lake of the Ozarks, we went on a tour of Bridal Cave.  The girl was hollering and the cave amplified her noise, drowning out the tour guide.  The Boy looked pained and kept trying to shush her.  Then he just walked away and shadowed a random family of strangers till we were done.  What are the odds he was in that 5% during those ten minutes?  Funny stuff.

I googled and found a version of Dr Skotko/Susan Levine's sibling presentation here.  It's long, but if you have other kids, I'd recommend it.

18/ 31 for 21 Brothers & Sisters

I ran STL’s Rock ‘n Roll half marathon on Sunday.  Cut 5 minutes off my time which is good, but my first two races were hilly, this was almost completely flat & the weather was perfect so I’d be lying if I wasn’t hoping I would’ve gone a bit faster.  Let's blame my (barely noticable) cold and not my recent slacker training. 

With the exception of the bib pick-up (which was a cluster___k of epic proportions – it was set up in the same convention center at the same time as tryouts for America’s Got Talent.  Sadly I had the kids with me so couldn’t take the time to try out.  My special skill?  I can whistle The Boxer.  I know how disappointed y'all are you won’t be seeing that on your TVs any time soon) … the race itself was beautifully organized.  Lots of support, swag, & an amazing number of people rooting us on from the sidelines.  Bizarrely, I could have done without the bands along the race route, nevermind they were the focus of the entire event, but it was a big high to run with so many other people. There were 21,000 runners – get that many people on the street and even I, at my turtle-like pace, was passing people, so bonus ego bump.

My brother came into town to run too and we snuck out Saturday night to see Contagion.  In case you’re wondering, I would not recommend seeing a movie about an easily transmitted deadly virus 12 hours before running in close quarters with 21,000 sweaty, sweaty people.  Just a thought.

Also - the race was to raise money for TASK – Team Activities for Special Kids so, yeah!, personal interest!  [I don’t know anything about the group so can’t vouch for it, but looks like we’re their target family]

~~~~~~~~~~~
On a not-unrelated note, our Gigi lost her older sister on Friday.  The only one of her 3 siblings to have passed away.  I don’t want to take liberties and write about my great aunt here, but Gigi has told us some funny, funny stories over the years.  When we see her next week, maybe I’ll ask if she wants to share any and I can fact check the stories I remember.  The four of them always struck me as incredibly close – even despite geography and, between sisters, political divides, they still talked all the time.  My brother and sister and I have had our spats, but I can always count on them to show up for stuff – races, babies, races, Monday morning emails, races, and drive time phone calls.  I only hope we’re (still) as close when we’re in our 90s.  I hope to be as close to the younger two too, though they’ll still be lollygagging behind in their 70s.  My Gigi is a rock and not prone to sentimental displays, but I hope she knows how much we love her & how sorry we are she lost her sister. 
xoxoxoxo, k.

Classy Bear

As part of his Special Week at school, the boy gets to bring home a bear, cart it around, take pictures of it in incriminating positions doing interesting things, and then report back to the class in a special album.  He's very excited about it.  The Book of the Bear's Year is very, very CUTE.  Crafty, even.  Bear's previous photos are cut with special crafty-scissors and festooned with ribbons 'n stuff.  This is one of those times I'm very glad we didn't go first - so I can blatantly cop the other mommies' ideas.  This is the downside to being a city girl in SAHM country. 
(for Gigi:  SAHM = Stay at home mom]

The boy and the class bear:

He also drew a picture of his family.  Not his best drawing as his interest was flagging (he really does know how to write his own name).  But he commented that his daddy's eyes "looked Chinese".  I'd just read this post - which caused me to ponder the downside of my kids living in the Whitest Town Ever (in addition to being out crafty-fied by the SAHMs) - so I asked him what he meant, if there were any Asian kids in his class, etc.  No real answers and he hadn't said it in any particular way, just sounded like he was making an observation, so I let it go.  We're obviously going to need to address differences so am operating under with the "everyone is different - brown eyes/blue eyes, brown skin/white skin" theory.  I also thought this was a great summary over here, about how we shouldn't squelch the questions.

Which makes perfect sense, BUT at what point do we teach our curious, outspoken, unfiltered kids that it's not always nice to comment on someone's appearance?  Last summer we passed a (white) kid in full punk regalia sulking outside the park.  "Mom, that guy looks scary".  Said clearly loud enough to be heard.  The kid deserved it - we're on the outer fringes of suburbia, almost literally in the corn fields. Not exactly Punk Central, so you're going to stick out a little,  especially at a kids' park.  Also, when we had his eyes checked he said to our very hale & hearty eye doc "Wow. You're BIG".  I died a little inside on that one.  I suppose this the "art, not science" part of parenting.

But his sister's eyes - They look just like his.  His dad's eyes look Asian, his sister's...don't.  [My eyes just look craa-zeeey].  Not sure what do with that.  Sad, because the reality is reversed.  But also a little happy that he doesn't see it.  He knows the parade of people coming through are to "help her learn things" and I have said in passing that she'll learn things in her own time, when she's ready, when he asks when/what she can/can't do something.  But he has no baseline of expectation.  She started as a baby doing nothing & now she's doing more stuff.  Which is the way it should be. 

I will get some of the sibling books out there for him though.