Thursday, April 21, 2011

Of Llamas and Bunnies and Aesop

There was no blogging or running last night.  I went to bed immediately after the kids and woke up this morning feeling like Mary freakin' Poppins.  There may even have been humming heard hereabouts in the morning, though I can't swear to it - the miracle of a full night's sleep.  But then I got to work and learned that the Massive Swirling Sucking Vortex of Money, otherwise known as Matt's car, lost yet another critical operating system, so I lost a little spring from my step. 

And then, purely hypothetically, I spent most of my day on an imaginary case which may or may not involve - purely for dramatic purposes, you understand - and adult person Llama who was living independently with only part-time assistance.  Occasional Llama care, as it were.  EXCEPT this Llama didn't know not to cross the street when the "No Llama Walking" sign was flashing.  Not that elephants and rhinos and hippos don't sometimes ignore "No Elephant  Walking"signs (et al.), but in my imagination (which is, you understand, the ONLY place this little allegory unfolded) I expect the nature of the Llama will be called to question.  And it will be asked if Llamas know enough to read the No Llama Walking sign.  And it will be asked if we should hold Llamas and Elephants to different legal standards. 

And this entirely fictional fairytale made me Very Sad, because I happen to like Llamas a great deal, and this hypothetical Llama was hurt when it crossed the street against the "No Llama Walking" sign.  And I hope that if I were to ever raise a pretend Llama, I would teach it to cross the street very, very carefully. 

Is everyone thoroughly confused?  Excellent!  I was going to go with camels but I think camels spit.

So then I was driving home, idly dreaming up the Haiku of the Day (below), and trying to talk myself out of a foul mood when I had to stop short and the giant bottle of water I had carelessly left perched uncapped on the center console (because I'm Hydrating now!) went flying forward and poured all over my radio.  I dried it off as best I could but then a full minute later my speakers crackled ominously.  Excellent! 

And then I started giggling.  Because I thought that it was a good thing I just bought a $20 Nano since I'd clearly just shorted out my radio, nevermind that the Nano and the water were essentially serving the same end goal*, and wasn't life funny and circular like that. 
     *The 13 Mile Plan

Then the giggling might've turned a shade manic.  Because, REALLY?!  There was not enough chocolate in the house to fix this day - at least not without doing in the Easter bunny.  Then I thought of the old cop joke - Put down the chocolate bunny and slllooowwly back away.  Then I started laughing harder because it was a good thing I've been running, what with all the chocolate bunny and jelly bean eating that's been going on around here lately. 

I just hope my fellow commuters thought there was something really funny on my now-shorted-out radio and not that they were witnessing Mommy losing it on her way home.  Am off to the treadmill to burn up some of the Easter candy I may or may not have purloined from the children.  Here's wishing you solid chocolate Easter bunnies to spare and secure water bottle caps. 
Starter frizzled. Am
No Mechanic. And I have
No Horse. Pony up!  
One Grim-looking Bunny


  1. I'm so glad I don't have anything to do with llamas. that sounds difficult.

    haiku of the day is brilliant.

  2. Llamas CAN read, and people who are willing to make ignorant generalizations about llamas...well, I'm sorry for their ignorance.

    Biffle and I decided today that "Bless your heart" is the response we should teach our llama to give if people say offensive things to/about her, because it's polite, but it's actually the southern version of "fuck you." AND it's fairly easy to say. So there.

  3. Love it. Immediately appropriating. Maybe Maybelle can teach my girl the accompanying southern drawl.