Through the pink

Matt & I have both been working long, intense hours lately, culminating in a not very healthy or productive "discussion" about who has been doing what domestic chores.  Good times!  Then he left for a two week long business trip.

The first day he was gone I overslept by two full hours.  The second day my car wouldn't start.  That night the dishwasher nearly exploded, forcing me to manhandle the much feared circuit breaker box.  As my Gigi liked to say, "That'll learn ya."

Yet in the midst of all the chaos this month, I have been gifted moments of peace.

A rare walk thru the early morning drizzle with my wolf-like puppy.

These two, always.

Even these times.
Actually…. especially these times. 

Buying groceries, a much loathed task, and finding the oysters my Gigi always bought.

My drive home through pink light.

There was also a recent moment when I fled my desk, this stack of paper, and the inane, incessant late Friday chatter of my co-workers.  I walked into the break room just as the rainy clouds parted and the fridge stopped humming.  The sudden sun and silence were damn near spiritual.

It is a mystery to me why these moments come - what slight shift in the brain chemistry allows me to find beauty in fleeting moments while other days I'm left gritting my teeth and slurping coffee.  Perhaps I'm being too cynical in assuming it is chemical, and should just be grateful my cold, old heart can still find magic in the world.  Even on the odd day.  

Monday, Monday

We had a lovely low key weekend - Matt returned from a 5 day business trip (!), which we survived without any ER visits, all family meals involved fresh produce, which is my new minimalistic parenting goal, and I binge watched Orange is the New Black while folding 354 loads of laundry.  I am happy to have neither committed any felonies, nor to have grown up in foster care.  Perspective, yo.

Other things that are making me happy:

• I ran 2.5 miles on Friday & another 2 this morning.
• It finally cooled off, making my morning runs less sauna-like, and more crisp fall, damn-I'm-glad-to-be-alive-like. 
• That self congratulatory feeling I get when I get my ass out of bed and go running before work. 
• The Boy and his friend finally tired of Minecraft during Saturday's sleepover… and pulled out a chess set.
• Bedtime stories and sibling pix.

Things I'm not loving, just to keep it real:

• That I haven't had the cash to chip in (yet) to the 6 fundraisers for people I actually know & like.  Real people, real friends, not random faceless organizations.  
• Nor have I bought that shower gift, my brother's birthday/graduation gift, or sent flowers to the 5 people to whom I should send flowers.  
• That after Friday's whopping 2.5 miles I spent all weekend hobbling around, cursing my feet & middle age.
• The aforementioned ass.  

Reason Enough to Celebrate

It was Saturday, there was coffee cake, which The Girl did not distinguish from regular cake, and she asked for candles.  

I couldn't think of any reason not to. 

Happy Saturday! 

Tiny little bubbles

So I've been thinking about getting back to the roots of this ol' blog and posting a daily picture for the grandparents.
No promises (especially since I had to backdate this one).
I'm also guessing there will be an excessive number of end-of-day PJ shots.
Meh. I'm going to assume you believe they went to school in real clothes.
Outfits aside, damn, they are adorable or what?    
And, yes, they were blowing bubbles inside cause that's the way we roll.  

Best Part Of My Day

Bedtime

Dear children, Sleep. Please. 

"One more chapter? More snuggles?"

Gets me every time.

Conversations with My Children, Part II

Post story, just before lights out, while discussing the current status of The Boy's unrequited year-long crush ~

The Boy:  I'm telling people I don't love her anymore.
Me:  Are you just telling people that or do you really not like her anymore? 
(stressing the word "like" because he's not even 9 yet, people).
The Boy:  No, I'm not in love with her anymore. 
Me:  What happened?
The Boy:  I don't really know.  Besides, it would never work out. 
Me:  Why not? 
The Boy:  Well, we'd have to go to college and move away from each other and then we'd never see each other again. 

I'm raising a fatalist.  A romantic fatalist, but a fatalist nonetheless.

I'm going to remind him of this conversation when he's a teenager, helplessly adrift in a sea of testosterone and begging for money to take his latest trollop out for ice cream, a movie, and a little back seat action.

The Boy and the only woman who will ever matter :)

Conversations with My Children, Part I

While negotiating his new-found love of cooking, particularly pies - fruit pies, which has turned into a rather expensive interest, since until very recently things were decidedly Not In Season:

The Boy:  We could plant some blueberry bushes.
Me:  Yes, that would be cool.  
The Boy:  And raspberry bushes, and an apple and peach tree too.
Me:  We could even get a couple chickens.  Home grown eggs are supposed to be way better than the grocery store ones. 
The Boy:  WE COULD GET A COW AND HAVE FRESH MILK AND WHIPPED CREAM ALL THE TIME, AND I COULD MAKE ICE CREAM AND HOMEMADE BUTTER.  WE SHOULD MOVE TO A FARM!!!  CAN WE MOVE TO A FARM?  LET'S MOVE TO A FARM!  
Me, thinking quietly to myself:  ((Or I could just shut up, buy you the $16 bag of frozen blueberries, and be grateful I don't have to milk them)).

Keep in mind this child is the spawn of me, queen of the PB&J, and someone who doesn't trust food that isn't salted, wrapped in plastic, frozen, and requires microwaving.  I cannot explain it.

Nature Boy. 

Mental Health Day

Yesterday I thought about taking today off but then remembered the three reports I have to finish by yesterday and decided against.  But by mid-morning today I felt like I'd had 2 pots of coffee and, while I don't technically have a history of anxiety, I was pretty sure that's what a panic attack feels like.

Did I buckle down and crank thru my work?  Ha!  No. 

Did I take compromise with a half day, go home, and efficiently fold laundry while watching old West Wing episodes?  No, I did not.  

I abruptly left and went to the very first movie starting, which turned out to be Noah.  Nothing like the annihilation of all living things to really put things in perspective, eh?  It was fine.  As infrequently as I get out, it was glorious.  I was in a dark theatre with a large medium sized bag of popcorn (old age is a bitch) and there were no talking animals or cartoons on the screen.  (No offense Kermit, you know I love you).

Oh, wait.  Except there were large stone monsters.  Er, "watchers".  I skipped Sunday school but later checked with Matt who assured me there were no rock Transformers in the Old Testament.  That's ok, what's a little creative license with the most quoted written work in Western civilization?  

It also got a little heavy at the end, what with all the genocide - and then he nearly killed the babies too (WTF?) but I was Alone!  For two hours! With popcorn!  I was happy.  (That sounds pretty bad, doesn't it?) 

I was also happy because I don't get good FB material that often, what with all the report writing & laundry hereabouts: 

I went home four hours further behind at work, a small car payment poorer, and the laundry still isn't done but I feel fabulous.  I can totally rock this working mom thing!  Sometimes, apparently, by not working.  

Smorgasbord

• I miss writing.  I've stumbled on seven or eight articles and posts lately on the joys of writing, how to write, how not to write, how to avoid writing… I think the universe is sending me a message.  It's nice that the message isn't catastrophe and mayhem for once.  

• The last few weekends have been chock full of various fun outings - cousin's birthdays, playgroups, & boy scouts.  Makes me feel like we're doing more than just dragging the kids along behind as we lurch from disaster to disaster.  There's a slim chance I might be exaggerating the level of chaos around here but it seemed rather grim there for a bit.

• The polar vortex finally broke, mere seconds before it broke us, and we went outside.  The fresh air and seeing the kids enjoy the fresh air was downright life affirming, even if the pictures are blurry.  

• I have amended my position on the boy scouts:  I resisted for years because I considered them a homophobic para-military organization, recruiting hordes of child soldiers minions with outdoor survival skills, but The Boy's BFF is involved and BFF's mom is a den mother and we need more low cost activities so I caved.  En route to our first event I gave The Boy the same speech I've given him about the Church which runs the school he attends, the gist of which is that they do some good stuff but they are wrong, really really wrong, about others, and every person should be able to marry anyone they want.  And it's not about religion but fear of the unknown and of difference.  I've been watching closely but there have been no overt attempts at brain washing and meanwhile we've built catapults, Pine Wood Derby cars, seen science demonstrations, and the boy is going bowling today.  (Maybe this is how the lure you in & the propaganda starts next year?)

• The girl deleted Proloquo2go off her iPad at school.  The teacher was very apologetic but NBD, I had backed up the extensive modifications we'd made, right?  BWAHAhahaha… whimper.  I'd thought about it.  In that way that I think we'll eventually get around to refinishing the wood floors, but Apple has not yet figured out how to read intent so I'm going to spend my afternoon reprogramming the damn thing.  And backing up. 

• This is old news but have you seen this Micos***t commercial from the Superbowl?  This deserves a separate post but I am very, very slowly coming to terms with the fact that my little girl is not going to be a talker.  As in not talk.  That Proloquo exists to be deleted off her easily-carried iPad, that it may allow her to move thru the world even without verbal skills, floors me.  I don't give a flying fuck if it's inspiration porn or an overtly cheesy attempt to shill for some corporate behemoth, I get teary. Every time.  Same way I get teary when I think about the millimeter sized piece of GoreTex they used to fix my girl's heart.  Some things are just GOOD, y'know? 

Ups and... Downs

Will that ever stop being funny?  

Lest anyone think all I've done is work the last two months, this is my catch up/ photo dump/ clinging onto the (mostly) happy moments post.

MAY: 

My son wanted a Minecraft party for his birthday.  Two-ish (?) days beforehand I realized the noble folks there have not yet sold out to corporate America.  Meaning there are no pre-packaged Minecrafty items available at major retailers.  And it was too late for Etsy.  Oh, fffuuuu.... 

I am NOT a crafty person.  Pintrest makes me itchy.  But bless their enormous pixels, Minecraft is all squares.  Surely I can manage that?

Butcher paper & a square brush, left over construction paper, and Rice Krispie/corn flake treats with cocoa & green food dye #37 for the Win!

I think he had a good time. (This was for his family party; the fiasco of his first official "friends" party is here.  The Girl's party will be in a couple weeks.  What's with the summer birthdays?)

JUNE:

We went to the annual Ds Walk/fundraiser but gave friends & family almost no notice so it was just the four of us.  The Girl was highly annoyed.  Possibly with her mother's pathological inability to plan ahead.  Also because we didn't let her stay on the slide all day.  Mean parents. 

But not to worry, we went to a street fair later that month and she was much happier.  This girl loves her selfies!  [The boy ditched us for his cousins]

JULY 4th:

Aunt Mary came to town, which was awesome.  We went to the sculpture park, which was grand.  One of my food experiments turned out beautifully (not pictured: the several that didn't and my kitchen, after).  And for the first time, my sound sensitive girl sat thru the fireworks and loved them, clapping and laughing and having a marvelous time.  I even posted something on facebook the next day about how much she'd grown up.

But as soon as I pressed enter I had that weird, unsettled feeling.  Could it really be that easy? 

Oh, fffuuuu.... 

Double ear infection. 

Fireworks are apparently even better when you can't hear the explosions.  

Whoops.

JULY, cont'd:

If you're new here, my husband works for an airline and we fly for free, but standby as "non revenue generating passengers".  No empty seats, no flight.  Thru trial and much error, we've figured out the basics - early morning flights are good, flying in the summer is bad, holidays are worse.  Trying to get somewhere by a certain time?  The gods will laugh.  

I need to remember that last bit.  Two weeks ago Matt and I went to Denver for the NDSC convention.  We got to the airport at 4:30 in the morning, as we should, and Matt got his 5am flight, no problem.  The twit was already in Denver napping before I had lunch.  I passed up the 5:30 to Chicago, hoping for the 6:30 direct to Denver because no way everyone shows up on time for a 6:30am flight.  HA!  Wrong!  So I took the 9:00 to Chicago but all the directs from there looked bad too so I ended up going thru Akron.  Akron, in case you're a bit fuzzy on American geography, is not in between Missouri and Colorado.  Eleven hours after leaving, a nearby mom pointed out the Mississippi to her kids as we flew over it. Eleven hours... to end up back where I started.  Yay!  

It could've been worse though - I missed Friday's events but arrived in time for dinner and didn't have to go thru Seattle or Portugal... or, horror, buy a ticket.  

Win???  

Don't hold me to those times - I think I went thru 3 times zones twice and it got a little fuzzy after Ohio.

Coming home I did everything wrong - late afternoon flight, out of a major hub, on a Sunday, during the summer.   Seventy shades of wrong.  The ticket agent on the first flight I tried openly mocked me.  The gal on the next flight out agreed to list me but I was #16 and the flight was full.  I started staking out the best corners of the airport to camp in.  But, lo, one person didn't show up and, in sweet but slightly co-dependent and defeatist fashion, none of the couples ahead of me in line wanted to separate.  Families may be the glue that holds society together, they may make all the other bullshit worth it but... ruthless isolationism for the win!  

One more reason why Matt and I don't fly together.  (That, and a wee bit of paranoia about orphaning my children.)

I can't let this end on an anti-family note, so here's a bonus picture of the kids at Ted Drewe's

Doesn't it seem like the summer should've involved more than one post?  School starts in ten days. 

Oh, fffuuuu....  

Spring!

A thousand faces,
My girl in spring, dancing to
her own song, trumpets.

HUGs (HUnting the Good stuff)

These are the things that have made me laugh this last week or so:

No connection to my last post, this is The Boy, playing with Siri.  Poop happens.

The Boy, determined to contribute his fair share to the mortgage.  I told him I didn't think too many people would need their bikes washed in 30 degree temperatures, but he was not to be dissuaded.  I brought him hot cocoa because I felt bad he wasn't getting any business.

'

This dog.  Although he is most assuredly NOT a lap dog and was squishing me first thing in the morning before I even had any coffee.  Oh, the humanity! 

These pictures, from a cousin's birthday party.  

This boy.

These shoes.  Which my dad bought me when I was 17 and heading off to Germany.  I'm pretty sure they had matching shoelaces back then.  I think he thought I was going to be trudging thru the Alps, Heidi-like.  I ended up in suburban Hamburg.  That is my fancy office carpet and, yes, I did wear them to work but only into the building because we were mid-snow storm.  Then I changed.  I may be reconsidering the heels, but I'm pretty sure these violate dress code.

Tickle fights.  

The girls, um, bathing.  I think.  

Or the potty training is going better than we thought. 

Also:  Yesterday Matt was dropping The Girl off at day care when she puked all over him, in the middle of the hall, in front of the principal.  She'd gagged slightly, earlier in the morning, but Matt poo-poo'd it and I left for work.  I consider this a HUGE mom win as that could easily have been me and, well, that doesn't need any more explanation, does it?  It wasn't me.  She's fine, though I stayed home with her today (burning my second to last vacation day- oy!), but today she's all snuggles and no vomit.  

Last:  All your hugs and kind words this week, virtual & otherwise.  

5/31 - 17 Huggy Things

HUnting the Good Stuff [HUGS], after a long, exhausting week:

1.  It's Friday.  Yes, a cliche, but I am NOT going into work this weekend!  

2.  Despite all the stress and the hours, I have a job.  That comes with health insurance. 

3.  Health insurance. 

4.  I actually LIKE my job, a majority of the time.  All my quirks become assets in the office.  

5.  My office is moving 20 miles closer to my house in 14 business days.  I will have at least an hour if not an hour & a half more time every day. 

6.  My new running shoes.  

7.  My fiscally irresponsible decision to sign up for a half marathon in Disney in January which is helping keep my shoes strapped on & my legs moving, even if very, very slowly.  

8.  People who agreed to run it with me.  Or at least stand next to me at the starting line for a few minutes. 

9.  Titanium (explanation forthcoming!)

10.  My husband, because he cleaned the kitchen tonight, among other things.

11.  My kids, who still love me even though they haven't seen much of me lately.  

12.  My kids, who will make appropriately appreciative noises over the blueberry pancakes I'll make them tomorrow morning.  

13.  The fact that I know the pancake recipe by heart.

14.  My friend D, who's willing to drag her family to the Botanical Gardens tomorrow too (because I'm obviously running low on pictures here!)

15.  My friend RK, who nudged me into going to a cheery/tumbly/something on Sunday.  

16.  You guys. 

17.  Industrial art, like this:

Hugging Hunter

Background:  The military is trying to address PTSD and the general emotional health of soldiers (partially?) with this program:  Hunt the Good Stuff.

Which, I always love to point out, shortens to HuGS.  Its official name appears to be "Comprehensive Resilience Module," which is amusing in its own right, but that link goes to a power point with smiley face icons so pick your poison.

Military lingo aside, I'm trying to play along because I am a lucky, lucky girl in a thousand different ways but... I have to work at it.  Which is annoying, but a fact of life.  So there.

Happy belated Memorial Day to everyone who served, is serving, and their families.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the blogging equivalent of closing my eyes, covering my ears, and singing la-la-la-la-la, these are the things that made me happy today.  Well, this weekend and today, because today I was back at work engrossed in some scintillating continuing ed courses - but then all the more reason to hold on to the happy stuff, right?

Or, you know, hunt it down and tackle it.

#1.  The Hunter.  My sweet, ugly, aging Maude pulled something again and has been limping around so badly I've started carrying all awkward, protesting 65# of her down the stairs in the morning.  Matt reported her alleged injury did NOT stop her from bolting at top speed across the yard after an errant rabbit a few days ago.  A miraculous recovery I myself witnessed tonight as she bolted across the kitchen toward her dinner bowl.  I'm not judging though.  Food is a powerful motivator.

#2.  Speaking of food, my guilty pleasure du jour:  Hawaiian rolls with a bit a mayo and cheddar cheese.  [And leftover angel food cake]

#3.  Tima's visit.  And family pictures.

Also, finding a family picture in which someone isn't making a goofy face.
Never mind that no one is looking at the camera.
It's artistic, right? 

#4.  Siblings, mine & theirs.

#5.  Continuing Ed ethics courses that haven't been updated since 2004 and cite NY Attorney General Eliot Spitzer's cases against various insurance carriers as an example of a needed ethical crackdown.  

#6.  Continuing Ed quizzes which ask this question without a trace of irony -  
OH NO, I AM NOT JOKING.

#7.  Having to explain to my co-worker why I was laughing so hard... and then having to explain who Eliot Spitzer was.  That's the upside of being the oldest person in the room.

#8.  Also, everyone is healthy, the weather cooled off, Matt remembered my dry cleaning, and the cake is finally gone, so I can get back to my magnificently failing diet.
Happy effin' Tuesday.